When your child is distressed..

Safety is communicated through our tone of voice, eye contact, and body language.Only in safety can we rationally think and engage.

…Become a retriever presence!

How to increase your child’s self esteem..

Descriptive praise is a great tool for filling our kids tanks with love.This specific attention shows we see beyond the obvious.

…Its proof we have been fully seen and shouts love which builds belief and resilience.

Taking time to give your child your undivided attention helps them feel seen.

33% is the healthy level of sensitive attunement required for kids to feel they are seen, heard and understood!

They need this like flowers need sun and water!

Family Life

Understanding the teenage brain..

This is a major transition stage and is typically turbulent. In addition, our brains lack capacity for emotional regulation resulting in us becoming consumed by our feelings, which drive intense and dramatic thoughts and behaviours.

At this stage we are programmed to pull away from our parents towards our peers. Without this change we would not leave the security of our families. Establishing that we are different underpins the conflict that often occurs within families during this stage. The need to pull away also exacerbates the isolation for young ones. At a time when they need support, they are signalling leave me alone!

Our brain also becomes a highly sensitive building site. The dopamine circuit, which is our reward circuit, is acutely sensitive and looking for novelty and thrill and is inclined to experimentation. Essentially, for some teenagers, the teenage brain is a Ferrari engine with no brakes.

Understanding these fundamentals equips parents to adapt their responses to their teenagers in a way which respects this developmental stage, whilst still being able to nurture the relationship and hold boundaries and authority. Below are a few pointers explaining how to nurture a sense of safety.

Raising a child is like building a house..they need a strong foundation.

  • The Foundation

    The foundation blocks need carers to pay close, calm attention to my needs so that I can be soothed and settled safely. If this happens enough, an infant’s nervous system wires with a feeling of safety which enables me to be alert to the wonders of the world around me. I am ready to engage.

  • The Frame

    The frame forms when the baby is on the move, grasping, reaching, making eye contact. This requires loving reciprocal, relational play: smiling, singing, pleasure. These simple activities activate the brain’s built-in capacity for connection and within that loving supportive relationship I am open to be curious and learn.

  • The Wiring

    The wiring of our house is the start of shared social problem solving. Simple words and gestures enable play and exploration to happen. I learn that other people can be fun and useful to be with and I can communicate beyond my basic needs. I start to learn to share.

  • Rooms

    The rooms of the house are the development of simple language that enables my needs to be shared more easily and I learn to take in other people’s needs. This is the foundation of cooperation and sharing. My world expands.

  • Decorating our house

    Decorating the house is learning complex language which enables me to name my feelings and share my ideas. This connection of words with emotions is a key part of social connection and will ultimately help me regulate my feelings. If I can use words to tell you how I feel, I have a better chance of being understood and supported.

  • The Driveway

    Finally, the driveway is when my emotions and thinking learn to work together, and this allows me to build bridges with people and ideas. I understand perspective and can mentalise another’s state. This integration allows me to move out into the world capable of connecting and collaborating with others because I know and trust myself.

    Our children need quality time balanced with a degree of space so that each development stage has enough of the required features to enable the child’s essence to thrive.

The quality of relationships around a child shapes their brain, nervous system, and physical body. Parenting is like building a house, get the foundations right and that house becomes a home, supporting others, able to stand solid and grounded, whatever it must face.

This requires predictable relationships and experiences which are the necessary construction blocks enabling a child to grow and gain a sense of their self and their potential.